A Cerebral Civil War

Frost’s “The Road Not Taken” is popular and lovely sounding.  Yellow woods?  Take me there.  People even like to reference this poem in a sort of pop culture sense.

However, as with many literature references that “people make”, it leaves the astute reader wondering if the person speaking has actually read.

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I have commonly heard folks use the above line to mean feel good things like, “I did something different and thus, go me.”  “Making a choice that fewer people have is the better choice.”  “Follow your own path; it feels good.”  Legit, I think there is even a country song about this mistaken interpretation.

I wish you could see me shaking my head.  Those may or may not be nice things depending upon the circumstance, but that’s not what that poem means.  Plain and simple.  The speaker in the poem is clearly one who is inclined to regret. 

Spending too much time mentally fiddling over past “what ifs” could absolutely be a cause of death.

And yet here I find myself at my own sort of crossroads.  At present, I am wholly aware that the choices I make, personally and professionally, will have an impact on my little family for years to come.

A skosh of background to provide context: Armed with my English degree, I “was supposed to teach.”  Thanks to 2008 that didn’t happen.  Fast-forward a bit to where I found myself in the world of finance.  I have worked as a writer/editor for household-name financial firm for over six years, primarily handling financial complaints, writing content for stock usage, and composing a wide variety of ad hoc communication.

After Human #2 came into the picture, I knew I needed to pivot to work for myself.  I initially thought I would primarily be editing but finding work in that arena proved primarily unsuccessful.  Which brings me to where I am today, trying to write more.  Specifically, I'm currently working on finding an agent or publisher for my picture book manuscripts.

Well that certainly doesn’t sound that complicated, right?  I just gave you the past decade plus of my career ups and downs in about 125 words.  While part of me would like to pat myself on the back for writing efficiency, it kills me that my own hours of mental agony and toil are reduced so concisely. 

Being a full-time working mother is hard.  Being a full-time working mother who works for someone else is even harder.  Striking the balance of the mental load between your career, your tiny humans, your spouse, and everything else in your life feels like balancing rocks.

So should my crossroads of STAY WITH THE SECURITY vs. PURSUE AUTONOMY & AUTHORSHIP be that tricky?  Perhaps not, but in my own mind, standing at the fork, it feels that tricky.  There are advantages and disadvantages to both.  My poor mother’s ears must be nearly falling off as she has heard every permutation and variation of my situational self-analysis.

And look, I’m not curing cancer.  I am just a regular gal, with a regular type life.  But what I do know is that the secure option lacks long term fulfillment.  If my life were the Parable of the Talents, selecting the safe option is the equivalent of burying the money in the ground.

Comparing my two paths to that of Frost’s, pursing a true writing career would be aptly described as the one less traveled.  As my husband frequently reminds me, “If it were easy, everyone would do it.”  And sure, there’s truth in that.  Moving from “being a writer” to “being an author” will be no small feat. 

The point of this though is that I will choose the challenging option and not look back.  In the particular case of “The Road Not Taken,” the speaker can’t move past his choice.  Lamenting the “what ifs” just simply is no way to live – and I will walk down my career path and never look back with regret.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver

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